Well, a bit of that & bit of something else. There is a number of thoughts which keeps battling with each other. Idea is to sort them out & order them in actionable items.
Disclaimer: I have a bad habit of not reading back what I wrote before publish. LIfe is too short to worry about grammar & spelling :) Main idea is to get little clarity on thoughts than where they are!
Food. Who doesn't like it.. ( My mom coughs... ya she doesn't). Lately my food love has taken a big spike. Vada Pav, Paneer Gignger, Cranberry, Marchana Bhajiya, Sandwich ohoo. list is big. Earlier too it was there but I was able to control it but now, it has become little ... i can say .. out of control. While my tongue enjoys it a lot, my mind does not. Except few occasions, my mind knocks on door & asks "why the F i ate that. Don't I have any sense of control."
And to take care of the same only, at one fine day I decided to do Monday fasting. Nothing to do with God & stuff but simply to check my self control. The benefits a video showed about the same was tremendous. That explains why each religion focuses on fasting a lot. It has to have a connection between better mind & body. With that it started...
The first Monday with fasting so well.., I felt so good that decided to carry on for the rest of the year. Ya... that was it.. my spiritual journey already began. I added few spiritual books in my todo list cause that Monday night my mind & body were all happy & jumping with joy. Then came the Tuesday morning. I decided to break the fast with my favorite Dosa & Uttappa. That Lari was closed & ended up eating two dishes of Poha... Mind was furious with me .. & so was the body. :( I immediately realized the mistake.
2nd Monday was same. & 3rd & 4th too. Yeterday while eating Poha in breakfast itself I realize... what the fuck is wrong me... Why despite knowing how it feels afterwards, i end up doing this.???? Can someone explain??? I still dont' know.
It's like that suppressed emotion (anger, frustration) which outbursts after so much of control. And it's not just that 2nd day breakfast which screws it up... it just starts the chain.. once that is crossed, any food offered, the mind struggles to say NO. I think it takes the breakfast as token to have a free will at any point of time in week. If this continues, my Monday fasting would stop soon..
Do I want to? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Ending the post here as I don't feel like writing & thinking at the same time... + But this is not where I want to end it completely. Let's carry on productive part tomorrow.