Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Life is a ‘Song’!!!


What is music to you???

It’s what i would call ‘KRAKALAKA’ for me & i can’t believe what ‘music’ does to you.

I think God should fit an ipod in everyone's brain!

Monday, January 17, 2011

I love ma' India (Err... ahmm..., Sarcasm!!!)

We_Love_India_copy Ya, we’re taught above sentence (without brackets) from the moment we enter our school & before Independence Day. Just like a magician's parrot we also starts accepting it & shouting it. Some of us really mean it & some are like that magician's parrot & leftover are ones who don't mind loving this country as far as it stays as their medium for making money or survival (RSS & 'balthakre' kinda ppl).
No, No... I'm not going to write about some patriotic bullshit speech here. I'm just trying to list down few KINDA ppl who have made me loose my temper many times & are culprit for making this wonderful country, a country of 'poor' & 'stupid' peoples.
You can add more if you know any more KIND of.


I wish if 'paan' & tobacco could produce different color when bastards spit them on road or on Gov. Buildings. That way we could have saved lots of money in paining of building & would have gained beautifully painted building just for free. It's one of the reasons why some of us (including me) hate to visit Gov. Offices or Gov. Bus stand. Screw them all!!!

One rule that government should re-evaluate is the rule of helmet. I think it should be changed & ppl should be forced to wear Helmet with raincoat. Do you even know why we have rule for helmet (hint: it's not for safety), ya, it's to save your wonderful clothes & face from the spit of the person driving in front of you. I wonder if they would be feeling like they are God & doing some 'amrita chhatkav' on their followers. My fight count with such people has reached to 2. Screw them all!!!


No I’m not talking about those prostitutes who offer to blow you or any cheap college girl who blows you for free ;).
This is about those butt head people who think that blowing horn on road is their fucking fundamental right for living. These actually are people who are suffering for attention. (Only attention they get is from my 'S' who would be please to sh*t on them.) They buy cars and can't resist showing them to others, if nobody notices than they gets pissed off and starts blowing horn.
May Hippopotamus would rape them all.

Public place smokers

Another status symbol to rectify a wasted life. Few 'SOBitch' also smokes while driving bike, to make them wonderFOOL smart. They only become 'art', a shitty peace of art which even the worst museum would reject. They are biggest looser. 2nd category is those who smoke in public transports like bus & trains. I wish if i could put their cigarette in their butthole and make them feel SMOKINGGGG...


We all know un-education ruins our country but what about those educated bastards??? One latest experience was visit to pavagadh. There are few very beautiful temples & empty masons kinda places beautifully crafted. And now they are re-crafted with lame writings like, "i love you seema", "haresh loves sushma"!! Fuck your bastards!! Why don't you write it on each other's ‘ass’ets?
You'll see these writing on great sculptures, toilets, trains, behind bus seats on school/college benches. If you're not that good with DESI slang words try any of above places it'll make sure your slang dictionary gets 200% richer with new & innovative words.

Mobile Phone Users

One of the best innovations of decade may also turn out to be pain in the ass sometimes. I wish there was a procedure to buy a phone, just like we have procedure for driving license. These people first buys cheapest phone the make loudest noise & hopes over the on train. (Trains are special victim). Then they start paying play those 'ghise pite' songs, which even the original singer would deny to sing now.
Another bunch of people will should shout on phone to make all other feel you are more important person than USA President. They think the more they should and more the chances are that 'Osama bin laden' would surrender to them.
During my recent journey a man spent 5 min figuring out who’s calling him and after wasted efforts he repent that he could not talk with some stranger. And finally he made a scene out of it like he just missed a call from alien living in some other world.

Reservation fighters.

Don't take it personally if any Gujjar is reading it, but they really suck (those who are fighting for reservation & creating problem for other innocents.) This is a great feature provided by India. If you're not good worker, don't think you can do much & go on strike, stop public transport, fire few shops & that's it, you'll hit the jackpot after that.
Eventually it turns out in non-productive output from those suckers. This happens in school, college, Gov. Job and every possible place. Reservation sucks, its fighters are suckers & leftovers gets sucked!!!


From your birth certificate to death certification every Gov. Department loves above word, 'bribe'!! For them it's an open bride & screwing is their primary reason for getting job. I won't write much about them because my hatred words would go far beyond your imagination. But face it, from powar & raja to kalmadi each SOBitch is sitting there eating our hardly earned money & buggers like manmohan is helpless watching it!!! May the hell reserve their worst tactics for these MF*ckers.
Ahhhhhhh!! Now I’m relieved! I was holding this burden of facing all above kinda people. The only person i was sharing it with was my beloved chaki but it feels more relieved after writing/bursting it down. I still wish i could beat all of them which would lead me to my imagined ZEN life.
I love ma' India...
.. Huh!!!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Kabab me ‘Haddi’

This is the story about me, my girl friend of mca & haCopy of LoveBirdsddi. Back into 2003-2004 & around 15th December, this  memorable event happened. ‘Kal ho na ho’ was a ‘sooper’ hit at that time. I saw it with classmates. I was not that big fan of ‘rukh rukh khan but I enjoyed ‘saif’ & ‘preity’ (ma fav babe ;) Initially there was no intention to see it until below happened.


During our lab I was chatting with frnds about ‘KHNH’. She was sitting in front seat & suddenly she jumped into our conversation. She regretted that she hasn’t watched the movie yet. My intention for discussion was right on target ;) Without wasting time I did dance on the chance [Wow that sounds like ‘shayri’, read it again].

I told her “don’t worry”, we’re going again in case you want to join us”.

She replied with a big smile, big enough to count her 32 teeth.

“Oh Really!! Who all are going for movie?”

Now here was the only chance to grab the knocking opportunity. Usually I always screw up with some dumbass reply, but this time something amazing happened.

“We are going.. , means you & me ;)”, I said.

Bang, It was bang on the target. Is it called flirting with girls??? Seriously she thought I’m flirting with her. Knowing my history, she could have definitely replied “No” a big “NO”. But because of my last life’s good deeds, she rather replied, “Ok!!!!” It was not just Ok, I was freaking opening gate to our relationship. My mind was fully occupied with all different thoughts. I don’t know what happened afterward for the rest of the day in college.

There was a chilling excitement in my gang when I told them about it. Now here comes the role of villan. ‘Haddi’ also joined the walk. Just like a dog can sniff the killer, our villan got a hint that ‘she’ is planning to watch movie but nobody told him when he asked. (Thanks guys). Nobody wanted him to join the movie. He finally asked it to HER & she said,

“Me & ABhi are going so far.”

“Wow, yaar that’s my favourite movie. Can I join you guys” asked that idiot.

WTF!! Didn’t his mom teach him any manners? At first I thought he’s kidding with us & just saying it to tease me & her. But he wasn’t….. he freaking wasn’t kidding.

I started getting ready with trying each & every cloth. This is the time when ur good frnds turns into bastards. Gang started cheering up ‘haddi’ that he’s finally going for movie with our class’ item. That freaking ‘haddi’ also got excited that he’s getting this golden opportunity. When I was finally about to leave from the room, the fukr also came out wearing a shirt just ironed & with baba sadak chaap perfume smell. My mood went off. On the way to ‘vaniya vaad’ that dumbass asked me

“Why are you looking upset??”

“Nothing” I said.

We had this small battle about why the F he is coming & finally ended conversation when he said!!

“But she really wanted me to come. If I won’t come she’ll be disappointed”

“Yah Yah yah, Fuck you!!!”, I murmed.

We were waiting for her at vaniya vaad. “Haddi”, now asked me if he should leave or what? I was about to say “yes” and was about to kick his ass but then I saw her coming. I couldn’t take my eyes off until she reached close to us. She smirked as she saw ‘haddi’ with me. Without saying a word I called for an auto.

I can’t believe it. That bastard was now more & more irritating me. I paid for auto and than for movie ticket as well. Bloody hell!! Now comes the best & exciting part, which eventually changed my mood. We took seat in balcony (completely empty). She was seating in center as depicted below.




I was not much interested in movie as I’ve already seen it (except preity zinta). Suddenly she acted like she’s not comfortable in hear seat. She asked me if view is clear from my side or what? Yes it was. So she stood up & changed her seat. And you won’t believe it she moved from my left side to right side, leaving ‘haddi’ all alone.





And that was the best part of the movie. You won’t believe how much happy I was. “Victory!!!” I had shouted in my mind, and the movie ended.

I wanted to ask her for dinner that night but after what happened earlier I was happy she denied!!


Me: Abhishek Gondalia

She: Bhakti Gondalia

Haddi: Mitesh Dodia