A Glimpse of the AirPort

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India in kinda country where flying in plane is still called a luxury & status symbol. The reasons is not just money affordability, there’s something else too. There’s a long psychological explanation for it. You see, population of the country is increasing day by day, so there’s large possibility that there would few people able to fly high. This ultimately makes those people in high position who’re flying regularly or have traveled even once. Anyways, I’ll not bore you with detail but would try to piss you off with my boring observations during trip Bombay, oops Mumbai. (I hope I’ve not hurt anyone by using term ‘BOMBAY’ & if anybody is hurt with it than.. screw you!!!)

Before The Journey

As soon as you reach the airport, you’ll see people wandering around. Some looking for boarding pass windows, some seeing off their buddies, some standing in queue, some looking for which chick is better around (damn!! No, it’s not about me) & rest fighting with either boarding pass counter or with security machos. Only chance of 4^th category people getting success is in Bombay. The last category people are fighting for no reason. Their only concern is to get attention. I saw 1 during my trip. God, please pity on him.

As soon as I got onto plane the first I look for is, no … not the chick this time….. I look for which seat I’ve occupied. Walking to the economy class slowly, I stare at each & every face of ppl sitting in business class. The sole reason is to see if they are not staring back at me. This is the time when psychology mentioned in first paragraph works in reverse. The pride of riding in plane gets reduced by the number of people staring back at economy class. Anyways, other thing that is important if you’re flying for more than 2 hours. Air-HotTaste, I mean Hostess.

In Between

In between the flight, there are number of things to notice. Let’s start with your luck. The only time I got lucky on plane was when my seat got upgraded to Business class from Economy class. J Other than that bullshittt!!! My luck always tries to screw me 1^st with seat’s location & than with the air-hostess on my side. The grass is always greener on other side. L

Other thing to notice is revolution in people’s hand. Years ago they use to hold phone on airport to show-off. Than came the laptop. (Just like me, trying to impress this girl seating my right [It works!!! ;) ]. That’s not the end; on this trip I saw 2 kids with iPad & one with Galaxy tab. Revolution!!!

As soon as you get on the plane, you see at least 10 people who’re still busy saying good buy or whatever. The specialty of at least 3 out of those 10, is that they don’t put-off the phone even when the flight is about to depart. I really want to hear what exactly they talk about, specially that girl who kept talking till we kissed the air (BTW, we means all passenger not me & her!!! ). Her giggling & chit-chat was pissing me off!!

During The Journey

Just like my last tweet, “I found the solution of survival, if all the girls in the world die; I can spend rest of the life eating”. So second thing I wait for after air-hostess is FOOD. It’s a lollipop that keeps me walking up till late on plane. Talking on the same, I had my worst experience ever in flight. During this trip from vadodara to Mumbai, I was served, … any guesses… ?? Let’s just end the suspense. FREAKING DAIRY MIILK (that too worth 5 rupees). Jet airways, never expected from you. L

The other thing I observed every time is those jerks that keeps pinching the air-hostess for like a .. Million times. I guess their wife kicks their nuts so hard that they take revenge of it with this air-hostess.

Just after 5 min,

“Can you get Indian Express?”

Just another 5 min,(just after turning 2-3 pages in IE)

“Can I get some water?”

After 2 min,

“Is flight late today?”

“Can I get suger free tea?” (tara bape koi divas ghare pidhi chhe???)

“When are you serving drinks?”

“Can I get blanket”

..

“SHUT THE FUCK UP”, I feel like shouting to these rascals.

The last thing I do for time-pass is reading the faces for their fake attitude. It’s fun, you should try sometimes. Below are the identified categories.

• Desi (it’s easy to spot them, when they open their lunch/dinner box)
• Trying to be V-Desi (although they belong to first category)
• V-Desi (showing off as soon as they see above first categories.

Don’t judge me in which category, I fall in ;)

Thanks Honey!!

Just like a bike is nothing without one wheel, I’m senseless (… wat do you mean I’m always senseless??) without this special person. This person, I narrate as my best half, my nigga’ friend, my bro & sometimes (ya only sometimes) as my friend. Ladies & Gentlemen, please welcome one & only, the original piece of an art, Bhakti!! On this special occasion of her b’day, I would like to throw (not literally) some Thankful notes for her.

Honey, I would love to thanks you for,

• ·         For being my girl-friend when no other (beautiful) girl dalling ghaschara for me,
• ·         For sneaking from your home & meeting me at nadiyad,
• ·         For coming back for me,
• ·         For making me realize how ‘beautiful’ falling in love is,
• ·         For making stupid mistake of marring me,
• ·         For writing those love letters for me,
• ·         For making me khulla sandh in navratri all 9 nights,
• ·         For b’day surprises,
• ·         For laughing like baby on my krakalaka jokes,
• ·         For choosing my clothes,
• ·         For being my money manager,
• ·         For cooking awesome breakfast, lunch, dinner,
• ·         For choosing food at restaurant,
• ·         For applying oil on my head,
• ·         For testing my patience & making me strong in it,
• ·         For giving up after our little nok-jok, :D
• ·         Thanks for watching TV-soaps in my absence,
• ·         For being the reason to come early to home from office,
• ·         For not over shopping with debit card I gave you,
• ·         For dinner you cook for my friends & family,
• ·         For giving me my space,
• ·         For inspiring me to stay in V - shape,
• ·         For sleeping with your mouth open,
• ·         For washing my underwear,
• ·         For watching HIMYM, Two & Half Men, SouthPark, Friends & other shows with me,
• ·         For correcting my English & doing proof reading for my blog,
• ·         For allowing me to flirt with other girls ;),
• ·         For over kisses & love,
• ·         For still surviving with me,

·         …

Google blog service may throw ‘out of memory exception’ if I’ll keep listing out these thanks, so I would rest my fingers here. It’s been a fantastic day, month & year with you. For me every day is your b’day, princess ;)

Blow me, not horn…

The way I criticize Indian public, someone would think the blog writer is freaking NRI. But let’s accept this, one or the other way, you’ll come across some psychos who’ll force you to use ‘MotherFather’ stuff. I come across such MF (let’s pretend M.F.Hussain) every single day. Just because blowing is free ( i mean blowing horn) doesn’t mean you can use it like public toilet. Reason I’ve stopped roaming around this city on bike is because of these M.F.Nuisances makers. I’ve tried to categorized types of these so called, M.Fs, let me know if I’m missing any or if you’re one of them!!!

1. Style maru
2. Impatient
3. Thurki
4. Car Owners
5. One Leg in kabar!!

Let’s know them one by one!!!

Style maru

If you’re one of this, dude, what’s wrong with you??? The more you play.. sorrry… the more you blow horn, the worse is your impression on girls. Apart from that think about those bitchy words ppl use on your MotherFather, sister & brother… (wait a minute.. there’s no slang word used for brothers.) Strange!!! Anyways, for the sack of your family’s reputation & their sexual organs, stop blowing Unnecessary horn.

Impatient

Stuck in a traffic these category of people acts like their mothers are about to deliver a baby & they want to witness the last minute labor pain. I mean, come on, .. if you know you're stuck in traffic, nobody is freaking able to move & although if you’re blowing horn “to aap ek number ke nihayati ‘chutyam salfate’ ho”!!! It’s not going to stop the traffic problem, so deal with it or get ready to hear ‘MotherFather’ stuff!!!

Thurky

These ppl must ask their sisters about ‘how much they are impressed when some M.F.Hussain passed by them blowing horn'??’  No seriously ask them. Specially some thurky buddhas, if your mom is dead try asking your daughter. If they are not impressed then..,

STOP BLOWING HORN!! It SUCKS!!!

Car Owners

If you're not falling in any of above categories there are chances you will fall in this category. I can define type of ppl owning card but that would be in some other blog. For some of these ppl, owning even maruti-800 makes them feel like they now own the world & rest of the world become un-educated ‘rengte kide’ who don’t know how to move on the road!!
Other type is ‘baap na paise lila leher’, who thinks their so called, ‘baap’ has just bought all roads & with that they gained rights to blow horn every 2 minutes. You must observer facial expression of these ppl, it’s like someone has put a horn in their asses & blowing so hard that ultimately they pop out their frustration on others by honking.
F.U, BASTARDS & BITCHES!!!!

One Leg in kabar

Total respect for these category, if you see someone driving a shaky bike/car [like some1 has put it on vibrator… vibrator mode.. i mean :D ], blowing horn every 10 seconds (even on empty road) & going at the speed of 10-15 kmph, you’ve find one of this category. They are nothing but some scared ppl who would live just 2-3 years more!!
I can’t even use MotherFather stuff on these ppl, since they could all be dead by this time & I don’t want to wake them up!! Just a little offense but I’ll like to leave these category of ppl. [But at least they should learn from my father.. he hardly even have horn on his bike… kick ass!!! ]

That’s it; my daily quota of Mother & Father stuff is about to get over so I'll like to finish this blog here. Bottom line is

Next time you’re blowing horn unnecessarily,

Remember someone is messing up,

with your MOTHER/SISTER in his/her mind!!”

So Stop blowing horn & start blowing … well… never mind!!!

CHANGE…e..ee…ehhh.. oohh..yeh..

At the end of the blog you might think I was drunk while writing this, so let me clarify first “Daddy doesn’t drink”. I think it’s sperm of surat’s rain & holiday feeling which has given birth to this krakalaka idea.. aumm.. bole to sanki idea. I may sound little cranky or loose screw if you don’t like the idea but for me it’s a perfect “mission IAmPossible-7”. Believe it or not but its next level of awesomeness to me. Alright without much overhype, ABee proudly presents his next innovation, “CHANGE”.


I just love ‘CHANGE’.. Bhakti is the best person to ask if you doubt that. From gym, cricket, table tennis, dancing, squash, lawn tennis, swimming, jogging, yoga to homemade programs. From regular journey roads, hair-cut, beard, tattoo craze, my looks, girl-friends to wife ;), I’ve always starved for ‘CHANGE’. (Just got a slap from behind) Oops…. Did I say wife?? Remove her from the list. She’s like my blood group, can’t change it even if I want to. The idea is to break the freaking regular CONSTANT life’s flow. I hate the same freaking boring routine & so does everybody (I guess so). Wake-up, poop, fun part (swim, tennis etc [2^nd best part of the day]), office, lunch, office, tea, office, dinner & freaking office & at the end 1^st bestest part of the day. (damn, you dirty minded people, by 1^st bestest part I mean Love.. pure, true, pleasant love.)
‘Office’, did you notice that boring word repeated 4 times. Lately working on Android made me another android; ya, bloody robot. The formal is green buddy while the later android is red.. bloody red robot. Last few days made me realize how cruel the world is. The dominator will keep dominating & the weaker will keep getting slaughtered. I’m tired of looking at it. People around me has surrendered & accepted the way things are. Even I’m one of them & that’s why this freaky “CHANGE” virus has woken-up. How wonderful & awesome it would be to quit job & freak-out or do something that I always wanted to do for a while & re-join job once this “CHANGE” asks for another ‘change’. It's not that some people have willpower and some don't. It's that some people are ready to ‘change’ and others are not.
Another Point is to get out of regular flow life, do something new, and do something you always wanted to do, meet new people, more & more people. There’s this phrase called “out of box thinking”, I would say why to sit inside box & think of outside, rather fly out of the box & than start thinking. Wake your left brain to the new limits. Try yourself!!! Only you can change your life, no-one else can do it for you.
Few CHANGES that I want to have in life are,

• Change profession.
  • Join some college (with lots of chicks) as professor.
  • Do some study.
  • Join Army…
  • Finish my secret project ;)
• Change organization. 
• Swim, swim, play, play… & die hard!!!
• Just roam around the state/country.
• Get so many tattoos.
• Do nothing or get freaky like this baby!! –>
• Change wife. (satak…another tight slap.. I’m not writing blog next time if she’s sitting behind me).

No… I’m serious, I really am!! Other than the last item I really want to give it a try. (You never know, you may hear news of my resignation and get to see my new avatar at any time.) Getting married at early age has one disadvantage, yes; you cannot try any of above things that easily. Dependency, that’s the ONLY thing that’s stopping me right now. Now looking for another source of income to handle that dependency. Any suggestion??? (Other than male prostitution & pole dance…)
Although there few consequences that I may have to face after my decision, I’m ready to face them all. After all nobody came with everything when they were born. I’m ready to start again. Ready to fall in love with life again….!!!!
Peace :)

25 લાઇફ લેસન્સ Cause Zindagi na milegi dubara..

Benny Lewis, a vegetarian from Cavan Ireland, who don’t drink & thinks of himself a “technomad” - a full-time technology-enabled globe-trotter, came up with this these 25 life lesions. Read more about him @ http://www.fluentin3months.com/about/
I found them beautiful, true & touchy so thought i should shared it with you ppl. Incase  you’ve seen movie ‘Zindagi na milegi dubara’, you’ll love reading them. If haven’t seen it yet, damn you!!!!
(૧) બધા જ બધે સરખી જ ઝંખનાઓ ધરાવે છે ઃ બહારની સપાટી પરની બાબતો દૂર કરો, તો જગત આખાના મનુષ્ય પ્રાણીઓ અંતે તો સ્વીકૃતિ, આશા, સલામતી, પ્રેમ અને આનંદ જ ઇચ્છે છે.
(૨) આજનું સુખ ક્યારેય આવતીકાલ ઉપર ઠેલવું નહિ ઃ બહુ મોટા લક્ષ્યાંક પૂરા થયા પછી જ રાજી થવાનું મુલત્વી રાખવામાં માલ નથી. વર્તમાનને માણો આવતીકાલની કોઈ ગેરન્ટી નથી. માટે સ્ટેશન સુધી દોડતા ન રહો, યાત્રામાં ટ્રેનની બારી બહાર પસાર થતા દ્રશ્યો નિહાળી મઝા કરો.
(૩) એક દિવસે બધા સારા વાના થઈ જશે એવા ભ્રમમાં ન રહેવું ઃ આશા અને ભ્રમ વચ્ચે પાતળી ભેદરેખા છે. બી પ્રેક્ટિકલ આપણી કિસ્મત ચમકશે એટલે બસ બ્રહ્માંડની તાકાત આપણા સપનાઓ સાકાર બેઠાંબેઠાં કરી દેશે, એવું માની પરીકથા સાંભળી ઊંઘી જતા બાળક જેવું નિષ્ક્રિય ન બનવું, જંિદગીમાં કશુંક અઘટિત પણ બને.
(૪) ભાગ્ય જેવું કશું નથી, આ સારા સમાચાર છે ઃ બેનભાઈ તો એવું જ માને છે કે પ્રારબ્ધવાદી માણસ કદી પુરુષાર્થ કરીને પરાક્રમી બનતો નથી ધારો કે, આપણે લકમાં માનીએ છીએ તો પણ શું ? ચોવીસે કલાક લકના ભરોસે બેસી રહો તો ય વગર આગાહીએ એક વાત નિશ્ચિત છે. મરી જવાની ! માટે જે સ્થિતિમાં છે ત્યાંથી કશીક મહેનત કરો, તો લક એનું કામ કરશે - આપણે આપણું કરવાનું
(૫) જગતમાં દરેક લોકોને પોતપોતાની માન્યતા કે દ્રષ્ટિબંિદુ હોય છે, જેને પણ સમજતા રહી એમાંથી શીખવું ઃ આપણને ગમે એ જ ફેશન કે ફિલ્મ બીજાને નાપસંદ હોય. આપણે જ્યોતિષમાં માનીએ, અન્ય કોઈ રેશનલ હોય, આપણે ગાયનું દૂધ પીએ કોઈ બીફ પણ ખાય. આપણે છાશ પીએ, કોઈ વાઇન. આપણને વાડી ગમે કોઈને મોલ. જુદા હોવાથી કંઈ ખરાબ હોવાનો ચુકાદો કોઈ માટે ન કહી દેવાય. સતત પોતાને સુપિરીયર માની બીજાઓનો સરમુખત્યારી ન્યાય તોળવાને બદલે બીજાઓ નુકસાનકારક પ્રવૃત્તિ ન કરતા હોય, ત્યાં સુધી એમની વાત સમજવી
(૬) ખુદ સારી જંિદગી જીવવી, એ લોકોને સંમંત કરવાનો શ્રેષ્ઠ માર્ગ છે,
(૭) બધાને ક્યારેય બધી ખબર હોતી નથી. પૂરી વાત જાણ્યા વિના કદી અહોભાવથી અંજાવું કે દ્વેષભાવથી ખીજાવું નહિ. (૮) ‘હું નથી જાણતો’ કહેવામાં કદી શરમ ન રાખવી,
(૯) માત્ર વઘુ પૈસા મળી જવાથી દરેક સમસ્યા ઉકેલાઈ નહિ જાય
(૧૦) કીંમતી ચીજોની માલિકી આપણી નથી, એ આપણી માલિક બની બેસે છે માટે એના વળગણમાં બરબાદ ન થવું, મસ્તીથી એનો ઉપયોગ કરવો
(૧૧) માનવજાત માટે ટીવી બ્લેકહોલ સમાન છે ઃ ક્યારેક, ન્યુઝ, સ્પોર્ટસ, રિલેક્સેશન માટે બરાબર. પણ જીવાતી જંિદગીના રોજના કલાકો ફક્ત ચૂપચાપ ટીવીના કચરપટ્ટી પ્રોગ્રામ્સ જોયા કરવામાં જવાનીનો વેડફાટ છે
(૧૨) ઇન્ટરનેટ આપણને મળેલી મહાનતમ શોધ છે, પણ રોજેરોજ એની પાછળ પણ અસલી જંિદગીનું વઘુ ખૂબસૂરત સૌંદર્ય માણવાનું ભૂલીને ચોંટી ન રહેવું.
(૧૩) બહાર નીકળો, લોકોને મળો
(૧૪) માત્ર અંગ્રેજી (અહીં વાંચો ગુજરાતી) જ જાણવાનો મોહ ન રાખો ઃ દુનિયા ઘણી ભાષા બોલે છે ! કોઈ પણ ભાષા આવડે એવી બોલો તો શીખાતી જશે !
(૧૫) ‘મોડર્ન ફોરેન કલ્ચર’ કોઈ ધારી લીધેલો સ્ટીરિયોટાઇપ નથી ઃ બધી ફ્રેન્ચ છોકરીઓ રોમેન્ટિક હોય, બધા બ્રાઝિલિયન સાંભા ડાન્સ જ કરે, બધા જર્મનો ફૂટબોલ રમે - આવું માર્કેટંિગના ટુરિસ્ટ બ્રોશર જેવો પ્રચાર સત્ય ન માનવો. બધે બધા જ પ્રકારનું વૈવિઘ્ય હોય છે, એને માન આપવું,
(૧૬) ઉતાવળ ન કરવી, ફુરસદ માણવી ઃ ફરવા જાવ ત્યારે બઘું જ ધડાધડ જોઈ લેવાની ‘પૈસા વસૂલ’ ઉન્માદ ન રાખવો. ક્યારેક સરસ સ્થળને ખામોશ બની અંદર ઉતરવા દેવું, સરસ સ્વાદને નિરાંતથી ચાવવો ટેઇક ઇટ ઇઝી ડોન્ટ બી સો ફાસ્ટ
(૧૭) તમે બધા જ માણસોને રાજી રાખી ન શકો ઃ તમારી સાથે બધા જ સારી રીતે વર્તવાના નથી અને એમને ખોટેખોટો તમારી સામે વાંધો હોય તો એ એમનો પ્રોબ્લેમ છે, તમારો નહિ !
(૧૮) આંધળું અનુકરણ ઘેટાંવૃત્તિ છે ઃ સમાજના દબાણમાં જાતને ખોઈ ન નાખવાની વહેતા પ્રવાહના સામા પૂરે તરવાનું સાહસ કંઈક ઓર છે આજે જે ‘ફૂલ’ લાગે એ આવતીકાલે ‘ફ્રોઝન’ પણ હોય ! મનની મરજીથી જીવવું
(૧૯) ભૂલો કરો, થોડી વઘુ થાય તો ય વાંધો નહિ,
(૨૦) ઝાઝું વિચારવામાં કામ કરવાનું રહી જશે
(૨૧) નાચો, ગાવ- જયારે શક્ય હોય ત્યારે
(૨૨) નવા મિત્રો બનાવવા સરળ છે, જૂનાને જાળવવા પણ !
(૨૩) કશુંક જતું ન રહે, ત્યાં સુધી એની કંિમત સમજાતી નથી
(૨૪) માફી માંગી ભૂલ કબૂલ કરવામાં હંમેશા અભિમાન ગળી જઈ, નમ્રતા રાખવી,
(૨૫) બીજાઓને ઇમ્પ્રેસ કરવા માટે જ કશુંક કર્યા કરવું એ નરી મૂર્ખાઈ છે !
Special thanks to “jay vadavada” for bringing these in Anavrut!!!

INK me baby, one more time!!

I was may be 12, when I lost my virgin skin. No I didn’t meet any Michal Jackson stuff here. It was the time when I got my first tattoo. It was my aunt who forced me to get god name inked on my hand. With little scariness, little excitement & little more curious to show my courage I decided to take on. That sadakchap tattoo artist took hardly 5 minutes to name it. Mom was little shocked when she show it & later relieved by fact that it’s GOD name tattoo.

The second opportunity rang the bell at Singapore. She was angy(a Singaporean friend) , who first inspired me to get a tattoo. She showed me all her glittering, girlish tattoos. On hands, leg & near ya… really near to her private part as well. I got ready to get 1 until I heard the cost which was around 600SGD, which is equal to my total savings of that trip. If I would have got that then I might have received a free permanent tattoo on face after bhakti’s punch. ;) But still Idea wasn’t leaving my mind. Then it was in the national park where I saw an awesome CHINKI doing tattoo. I’m not sure what drag me over there, was it her tattoos or her beauty?? It drove me to her like a person taking sleep walk? 

10SGD, that it??? OMG, I took my t-shirt out ASAP. I selected design and just lay down… No …no.. no.. Not with her, of course. With 100 of thoughts running in my mind, will bhakti like this? Will this look good on me? Will this CHINKI’s hand on my back tingle? Will it hurt? Etc etc. By the time I answered these questions myself the tattoo part was done. WHAT? That smooth?? Yah… baby. Reaching home I felt like I wasted those 350ruppees over that freaking TEMPORARY tattoo. Yah it was not permanent. Damn it!! %#$% #$%#$%. CHINKI never told me either.
Anyways, so coming back to the present again the bhoot or craze of tattoo is back. I went through many designs, wasted 2 days but still not able to find that exact punch line tattoo design so far. At the end, I decided to go with two tattoos. 1 in Sanskrit (which is too hard to find) & 2^nd in Tibetan language. I need some advice here, which one should I get for Sanskrit?? Choices are below. HELP, HELP, HELP…..
P.S. All voters will get a cutting chai ;)

• I love you more = त्वामधिकमनुरजामि
• ONLY WE CAN FREE OUR MINDS = केवलं वयमेवास्माकं मनांसि मोचयितुं शक्नुमः
• Beautiful mistake = सुंदरप्रमाद
• Become your destiny = तव नियतिः भव
• Peace comes from within = शांतिरंतरतः आगच्छति
• everything will be ok in the end. If it is not ok, it is not the end.=सर्वं सुष्ठु भविष्यत्यंते। यदि नास्ति सुष्ठु, नास्त्यंतः।

More Tibetan tatto also coming soon ;) Plz plz plz vote…………