Looking at lines of my palm, I used to wonder earlier whether they are blessed to touch Jail’s bars or not. Today was the day when they met its destiny, JAIL. One more addition to experiences my weird journey of life.
On a monsoon morning, with perfect weather outside I went to railway station to see off my mom. I was yet to brush my teeth & visit the potty place. Everything was going good until I decided to zoooom back at home after saying chao to mother. As soon I inserted key & pressed the button to start the bike, out of nowhere YumDoot appeared. YumDoot took my bike key & asked me to put bike at distance.
While I was wondering what happened here, another idiot joined me. He (assume his name Gandu) was the worst and most memorable part of my adventure. My tummy at this time started ringing the bell that it needs to clean up for morning procedure. Looking at the urgency of natures’ call I decide to wrap up the legal procedure as soon as possible. He was not ready to give me receipt or fine me for the CRIME I committed. I felt like he’s waiting for some under the table bucks!!! Me & Gandu both asked him, “બોસ્સ, જે રીતે પતાવવું હોય એ રીતે પતાવી આપો ને office માટે મોડું થશે..”. We both asked him to take 50-100 bribe & finish the matter but khadoos didn’t agree.
After getting handed over to two policemen, I was finally taken to lock-up room.
I was like, “બોસ્સ, મેં કોઈ નું ખૂન નથી કર્યું. બસ No Parking માં bike park કરી હતી.”. He replied, “આ અંદર ચડેલા મોઢા વાળા ૪-૫ લોકો દેખાય છે એ પણ તારી જેવા જ છે.” Before I could react to the situation, he asked me to step into the room. The first step in lock-up room was the longest one, just like when the newly wedded bride enters in-law’s house for the first time. The scene was going in very slow motion.
The cell was small section on railway station created by fencing little area with wood sticks in square areas & added a door on one of its side. I was wondering if I should worry about me being in jail or my tummy pushing hard for potty. I didn’t want to take any chances of doing THE STUFF in public toilet so took few deep breaths. (Which came out immediately due to dirty smell & air I breathe in).
Problem with being so busy at office is your freaking phone never has battery when you need it most. I looked around the cell partners & found 1-2 sophisticated bastards who were constantly swearing at policemen for bringing them here. I tried little conversation & then asked for phone from Gandu. Although he was busy calling up his so called contacts from crime branch, he gave me the phone to call back at home. I called chaki, “બેબી, મેં bike નો પાર્કિંગ માં મૂકી હતી એટલે અત્યારે jail માં છું. મને આવતા થોડું મોડું થશે.”. Listening to her small reaction it felt like she is used to me going in jail. When I called her again after 20-30 minutes & clarified that it’s not BIKE which is in jail but it’s me, her reaction was longessssssssst you can imagine.
I still couldn’t believe in the situation I was in. It was like I am still dreaming & will wake up at anytime now. Time was passing, everybody were calling up their so called contacts & officer outside was getting angry on them. I decided not to get any help from anyone. I was happy for two reasons 1) Half day at office ;) 2) One more cross in my adventures journey. I checked the watch it was 8 or something. Time is a bitch, it really goes so slow in conditions like this. I started missing iPad at this moment. There wasn’t any much to do so I started observing ppl. 4-5 ppl were for no parking, another 4-5 for railway crossing, 2 for travelling in handicap coach., 5 other for doing pee-pee in public. Gandu was furious & started yelling his wife for no reason & I felt like one punch on his face won’t make any difference in my CRIME *giggle* right now since I am already in jail.
When we inquired regarding what’s next plan. He shocked us by saying that we can go only after magistrate comes in at 11a.m. & charges you for penalty. I was like, “dude, why can’t you charge right now since you already know my CRIME (it makes me laugh whenever I refer it as CRIME). He said, “We have to follow protocol, charge sheet is prepared so all you have to do it wait for magistrate to show up”. For a while I thought I should call someone to get me out of here with contacts but then what about the hard work that YumDoot put in for catching me & not taking bribe for it. I decided to stay there.
Time was passing slowly & potty started backing up inside. I couldn’t sit or stand, just kept roaming inside. Gandu offered me tea but I didn’t want to take risk with my belly. It was already acting up like volcano. Somehow Gandu’s contact did work & he was asked to meet officer inside his room. He never came out. The backdoor of police office took him outside this cage. For a second I wondered if he gave a blowjob for that or what.
9a.m., 9:30a.m, 10a.m., time was running like turtle. I met this kid around 10 years & chatted with him on how he ended up here. Gave him 10Rs to get some food for him & got back to listen to other fellows. Lock opened, door opened and there arrived 4 hijras. This was the most awkward moment. Now I desperately wanted to get out of there before they start touching vouching.
We were asked to make a line at around 11:00a.m., ppl at station started staring at us as criminals. Embarrassing part was getting stare by nice girls walking by. Another half an hour of waiting inside majistrate’s office while that freaking bastard was taking sip of tea outside.
Finally, A policeman announce, “Mr. Abhishek Gondalia, તમે નો પાર્કિંગ માં તમારું વાહન પાર્ક કર્યું છે જેના માટે કલમ 159 અધિકૃત તમે ગુનો કર્યો છે તે તમને મંજૂર છે?”
I said, “મંજૂર છે”
Majistrated, “50 રૂપિયા દંડ ભરી દેજો.”
That’s it. I was free. Freaking 4 hours in stinking jail with bunch of smelly, irritating & nigga ppl just for those 3 words conversation. It made me to some self retrospection at the end.
- I always keep saying I don’t have time for this & that, but I had time for 4 hour of Jail without doing any single work.
- It’s not police who are accepting bribe; it’s us who offer them.
- સવાર સવાર માં station જાઓ ત્યારે પેટ સાફ કરી ને નીકળવું.
- નો પાર્કિંગ માં bike પાર્ક કરવી નહિ :p