Monday, March 7, 2011

Good fences make good neighbors!!!


Those egoist foreigners may not realize the value of the creature named ‘neighbor’, but for jna1014lwe Indian, this word  definitely plays a big part in our daily ‘kriyas’. (Please exclude your morning loo ‘kriya’ from this list since you’ve to bring the pressure on your own). We all are always surrounded by this creature, they come in different form. Their physical characteristics can be any one these (tall, short, SEXY, fat, fatter, fattest, thin, thinner, and thinnest). Their mental characteristics can be one or more from these (fighter, shouter, wanderer, EktaFan, ignored, 1 cup sugar, mysterious and last but not least peaceful (this creature is extinct now)). Today I’m going to write (cry) about these ‘neighbor’ creatures living around me.

Creature 1:

Location:

  • BEHIND (behind my home not about ‘ass’)

Characteristics:

  • short
  • shorter
  • fighter
  • shouter
  • wanderer

Effects:

  • They may catch you in towel in the morning,
  • They may catch you in ur romantic positions.
  • You may get deaf ASAP.

My Encounters:

This one is deadliest or what I would frame it as (typical low Indian) kinda creature. You can’t get weirder than this.
The old man of the house is not an ordinary old man, who loves to sit idle, chanting god names to wash all sins he made at his young age. He is like ranging insect that never sleeps. Whether it’s Monsoon or summer or cold, he always finds something to keep him going. Cycle repair, dusting, cleaning up the streets, shouting, tap repair, roof fixing anything & everything. You name it & he has it in his blood. There’s not a single thing that he can’t do (but damn! always at the wrong time). Whenever you’re in middle of pooja, your sleep, in those awkward positions ;), he starts hammering something. Little annoying but he’s good man!!!
His daughter-in-law, she’s the one who can make it to guineas book of world record. Her favourite task of the day is to keep wandering around. Meeting each and every vender (FERIYA) is her most imp job of the day. (Just like other women’s imp job is to cook). Chana garam, fruit vendor, nose/ear piercing, bedsheet, mobile farsan vendor, shakvala, hava baan churanavala & even those katchra valas. She just doesn’t leave anyone. My biggest problem with her is that ‘her frequent visit to outside’, it opens up her chances by higher level of seeing me naked roaming inside house (my current exposure to her is limited to towel only). Shouting everyone’s name is another hobby, now even if she calls anyone you’ll feel like she’s shouting. Oh god, please give her a silencer in her mouth. *silencer, ya you read me right*
The family is so ready to fight that even if you’ll stare at their house, you might end up fighting with them. Remember that cartoon show which has a weird deadly family, if you don’t remember come & visit my ‘creature 1’!!!

Creature 2:

Location:

  • Front (front of my home damn it!!! not about… whatever… )

Characteristics:

  • thin
  • thinner
  • shouter
  • peacemaker.

Effects:

  • Free Morning Prayer

My Encounters:

These are the creature you don’t have to worry about. They are like god’s given gifts. Again an old man (this time just seating idle, but of course shouting). He’s the only interesting creature in that family. Even though their house is 735feet away from my house, I can literally write each & everything the man speaks. The best part is his phone conversation. Scientists have proven that he don’t need phone if he wants to talk to anyone in the range of 1.36k.m. I remember going his house once for house purchase stuff (by the way mail me if there’s any house getting sold around ur area), I observed another awesome feature. He’s pretty good at speaking one sentence atleast 6-7 times. During my 42 minutes conversation, he hardly used 10 different sentence & than kept reciting his tape forever.
Regarding other ‘namuna’s from that house, his son is always with dead face like he just drank castor oil. His wife, I respect the lady. Daughter-in-law, working, working, working.

Creature 3:

Location:

  • LEFT (9 o’clock)

Characteristics:

  • mysterious
  • EktaFan

Effects:

  • Tests your height of Curiosity
  • Frequent irritation
My Encounters:
I started losing my hair since last 6 months. Going back in time I realized it’s because of these kinda neighbor (creature/ species), you start to rip off your hair. (Don’t try this at home!!!) House on left was an abandoned place for quite a while & then there came that mysterious looking woman as paying guest. She was alone, no husband, no boyfriend & not even a lesbo friend (ohhhh I just wish). From the very first day she showed her weirdness. On the very first day she started shouting with someone on the phone. Full English conversation continued for almost 30 minutes until she hung up crying. May be she was seeking attention or she really was a bitch!!
She must have been a lesbo in love with ekta kapoor (half man/half something). She never missed any of the tv soap. Her morning start with tv series and night ends up same way. Volume level increases in proportion with angle the sun sets, morning louder, after louder & night loudest. She literally pissed of me & hon’ many times. Other than her hanging underwear color (which she use to put like she’s showing in jewelry), I don’t know much about that freaky mysterious creature. Thank god for taking her ASAP.

Creature 4:

Location:
  • RIGHT
Characteristics:
  • fat
  • fatter
  • peaceful
Effects:
  • Research still in progress & no effect identified so far.
My Encounters:
These creatures look similar to pigeon, fat, peaceful (generally) & non-harming. Though they are nearest to my house, only problem I’ve faced so far is bhabhi’s call of ‘sunnyyyyyyyy’ & ‘abhiiiiiiiiiiii’. Here ‘y’ & ‘I’ are shouted for more milliseconds & with higher decibels. Sunny & abhi are her sons and these poor babies are little deaf. (I assume cause I’ve never seen them replying back when their mom shouts) Otherwise finding this kind of neighbor is like winning in las-vegas. All male personnel must be in some drugs or arms dealing business because you’ll never see them around or hear anything from them. Women of this house are ‘pro’ at washing clothes; in fact it’s their hobby. I always see them washing or hanging washed clothes only. Again can’t end without saying newly wedded bride’s padded bra & designer ‘XL’ underwear draws attention sometimes but then what the hell :p !!!
May god give these neighbors to everyone!!!
Though of changing this home made me write this blog. I may miss these creatures since I may have to encounter with new different pieces. What about you?
P.S. Why the beautiful girl is never living around my house????? #WTHell


4 comments:

Hiral Desai said...

thats a hilarious description..bt good observations.. ;)

P.S. Thank god i dont have vacant houses around mine.. :D

ABhi said...

Ohh I just wish i could find a place near by you.... Atleast i could write ur BFs & GFs then ;) Ofcourse you know how much i love Lesbos :D

Chirag said...

Hi Abhi


Wow good one.....Sometimes(in fact many a times -->always...) we are not getting good neighbor as we are...

but I still believes....પેલો સગો પાડોસી....


Regards,
Chirag

Shunty said...

Hahahaha.. Funny and described thoroughly. As always loved the details of your post!

And you are totally right, I barely know anyone staying near to my door. Even I haven't seen them any time around and perhaps neither they have!